Several days ago Lance Mannion posted this: "Felt my mortality weighing heavily on me this morning. Tried to keep the demons at bay by telling myself I could be around for another 30 years. The demons laughed. What's the point of that? they asked mockingly. I had to grant them the point.
Thirty more years? Might be a pleasanter prospect if I and nobody I knew were going to age and things would continue on pretty much the way they are. Not a lot to look forward to as it is. Not much I'm going to contribute with my persistent presence. I'm done. It's somebody else's turn. Don't want to die but not excited about living. Lately I've caught myself having fantasies that are influenced by Philip Jose Farmer's Riverworld novels except that instead of dying and being reborn down river I'm reborn back upstream and wake up as my twenty year old self, a young hero with prospects again.
These were pre-dawn thoughts. As soon as it got light I got in the car and headed for McDonald's. We're up at the old Mannion Homestead for the weekend so I drove down to the river and had my coffee on the riverbank...
I don't see much point in living thirty more years. Or twenty. Or ten. But contemplating (the) view...With a good cup of coffee? Continuing on another day seems like a good idea."
The post spoke to me, I understand.
As long as I can continue to work wood as I am now, I'll look forward to a new day. Having a cup of joe and looking out over water isn't too bad sounding to a ex-navy veteran neither.
ReplyDeleteRalph,
ReplyDeleteI'm not ready to check out just yet but....I'm never going to strap an airplane to my ass and that afternoon watch the sun set over the Nile nor eat Hong Kong street food unless I'm willing to do it on my own dime. No walking with a Masai warrior or watching the Sun go backwards as I fly over the top. Bottom line the demons do visit visit on occasion.
Take care,
ken